


Bridge Explosions

by xXQueenofDragonsXx



Series: Carl Grimes What-if's [1]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, BAMF Michonne (Walking Dead), Carl Grimes Lives, F/M, Gen, Heavy Angst, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Made Myself Cry, Michonne is a good Mom, Sad Carl Grimes, Toddler Judith Grimes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:54:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27851226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXQueenofDragonsXx/pseuds/xXQueenofDragonsXx
Summary: "Rick!" Michonne screams out, her voice filled with fear. At first, Carl isn't sure why.But then the world explodes.Everything seems to slow down as a loud boom fills the air. Gusts of hot wind push against Michonne and Carl, and he stumbles backward as plumes of smoke and fire rise into the sky, painting the world a mix of red, gray, and orange. The heat wafts around his face, and bits of debris fly through the air. But Carl doesn't pay attention to any of this. Instead, he stares in horror at the scene going on in front of him. He stares at the bridge, now enveloped by the smoke and flames.It had exploded.While his dad had been on it...---Or Carl Grimes lives, but Rick still ends up blowing up the bridge.
Relationships: Carl Grimes & Judith Grimes, Carl Grimes & Michonne, Carl Grimes & Rick Grimes, Rick Grimes/Michonne
Series: Carl Grimes What-if's [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2051814
Comments: 16
Kudos: 26





	Bridge Explosions

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FornaxGreenQueen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FornaxGreenQueen/gifts).



The low and familiar growling of the walkers is the first thing that catches Carl's attention as he, Michonne, Maggie, and a few others make their way through the forest. The sound is loud and nearly deafening as hundreds of walkers make their way toward the bridge, and Carl makes himself swallow down the lump forming in his throat, putting one foot in front of the other as he forces himself to keep moving. 

_Dad's in danger_ — _we need to help him._

Next to him, Michonne's body is taut with fear and tension, and Carl can only imagine that he looks the same way. They can hear the rushing of the water now, but hardly. The snarls and groans of the walkers nearly drown out the sound, but this lets Carl know that they're getting close. Just a little bit further, they need to go a little bit further. The bridge is only a minute or two away. All that they need to do is get there. 

Carl prays that his dad knows what he's doing. That when they get there, it's not going to be too late. His dad is one of the smartest people he knows — next to Michonne, of course — and Carl knows that if anyone can get out of the mess that they're now in, it's his dad. But he can't do it alone, that's for sure.

Ahead of him, Daryl rushes forward suddenly, raising his crossbow. There's the whirling sound of an arrow flying through the air, and Michonne starts running, pulling to a stop beside Daryl. Carl picks up the pace, running to Michonne's side and feeling his heart drop as he stares out at the bridge. It's worse than he had first thought. The place is teeming with the dead. Carl hears Michonne gasps, and his gaze is pulled away from the seemingly endless amount of walkers. 

It takes him a moment, but his eye lands on a figure standing on the other end of the bridge. _Dad._ Carl can't see much from where he stands, but despite this, it's clear to him that his dad isn't in good shape. The man is slumped over somewhat, a hand pressed tightly to his abdomen, and even though he's far away, Carl can easily spy the blood seeping through his shirt. 

Daryl raises his crossbow again, firing at a walker nearest to his dad. His dad stumbles back slightly, staring down at the corpse before looking back over to them. Carl's heart jumps into his throat, and beside him, Michonne grabs his hand, squeezing it tightly as she stares in horror at the scene playing out in front of them. Carl returns the gesture, unable to tear his eye away from his dad's slumped figure.

"What is he doing?!" Maggie cries out, fear and confusion seeping into her voice. Carl can't help but wonder the same thing — what is his dad doing? Why is he just standing there? _He needs to move!_

Michonne turns slightly, and Carl watches as the desperation crosses over her face. "He's hurt!" 

"That herd that went right through Hilltop," Daryl answers in a quiet voice, refusing to meet anyone's gaze, "he's trying to bring down the bridge."

Carl feels his stomach drop, and he whips his head around to stare at Daryl. "What?! Is he crazy?" Carl doesn't want to believe that his dad would actually try something as crazy as that — while injured at that -- but deep down, he knows that it's something that his dad would do. His dad would do anything if he knew it would ensure the safety of everyone else. 

Michonne lets go of the iron grip she has on Carl's hand, her face twisting into a look of pure determination. She reaches up a hand, unsheathing her katana as she stumbles back. Without another word, she whips around, darting into the trees, prepared to do anything she can to help her husband. Faintly, Carl hears Maggie yelling something to others, but he doesn't pay it any attention as he runs off after Michonne, gripping his knife tightly in his hand as he rushes in the direction of the road. He's not about to let her do this alone. 

There's the sound of footsteps that follows, and Carl risks a glance back, relieved to see Carol and a few others running behind he and Michonne. He turns his head back around, his gaze pinned on Michonne's back. His heart thunders in his chest, and Carl hears the blood pumping in his ears, drowning out even the loudest of the walker's groans. A feat he hadn't even been aware was possible.

Carl catches glimpses of the bridge through the trees as he runs. Behind him, he hears someone cry out, but he is unable to discern the words, and he doesn't bother trying. Carl darts through the trees, moving as fast as he can, ragged gasps escaping from his lips as he jumps over roots and logs to try and keep up with Michonne — who runs a few feet ahead of him, all her attention focused on helping Rick. 

The walker's get louder and louder by the second, and Carl forces himself to go faster, now able to catch glimpses of the endless amounts of walkers ahead of him. There are no doubt hundreds of them there, and a feeling of dread begins to form in Carl's gut. But he pushes it back as best as he can, focusing his mind on diverting the herd's attention away from his dad.

But there are so many of them...

Carl ducks his head as he passes under a low hanging branch, only holding his knife tighter. None of the walkers seem to notice any of them yet, but Carl knows it would only be a matter of time. And, for once, Carl wants them to hurry up already. The quicker that they notice him, the better a chance that they have at getting the rest of the herd's attention. 

"Rick!" Michonne screams out, her voice filled with fear. At first, Carl isn't sure why.

But then the world explodes.

Everything seems to slow down as a loud boom fills the air. Gusts of hot wind push against Michonne and Carl, and he stumbles backward as plumes of smoke and fire rise into the sky, painting the world a mix of red, gray, and orange. The heat wafts around his face, and bits of debris fly through the air. But Carl doesn't pay attention to any of this. Instead, he stares in horror at the scene going on in front of him. He stares at the bridge, now enveloped by the smoke and flames.

It had exploded.

While his dad had been on it...

Half of the bridge is gone, the world is burning, and his dad is nowhere to be seen.

Carl feels his remaining eye begin to burn, and his grip on his knife loosens. The blade falls to the forest floor with a muted thud, but Carl doesn't bother picking it up as his hands move to his mouth. Slowly, the tears start to fall, trailing down his cheeks like a river, and in a few short seconds, the realization dawns upon him. 

There is no way that his dad could have survived an explosion like that one.

But that can't be. Rick Grimes had survived so much over the past few years — a coma, the end of the world, walkers, the Governor, being shot and injured so many times, the Saviors, Negan — this explosion can't be his dad's downfall: it just can't be. But it is. But it can't be. There was an explosion, the bridge is gone, but his dad isn't dead, because if he is-

If he is-

If he is-

Carl vaguely registers Michonne's heartwrenching screams as Maggie and Carol hold her back. He hears Jesus saying something from behind him in a half-strangled voice, something that can mean anything, really. Carl's hands are shaking, he realizes after a moment, and-

And then he's falling to his knees, his mind going numb as he stares at the hundreds of walkers still lumbering toward the bridge, completely in shock as he tries to register what had just happened. 

Carl's hands drop away from his mouth, and he continues to stare, unblinking and silent, because at that moment he's six-years-old again, playing catch with his dad in front of his childhood home while his mom watches fondly to the side. His vision flashes, and he's back on his knees, a flood of tears trailing down his face.

And Carl rises to his feet, stumbling forward on shaky legs that threaten to fall beneath him, but hands start grabbing at him — someone starts pulling him back. Carl tries to fight back, shaking and thrashing and crying in an attempt to free himself.

His mouth drops open, and distantly, he realizes that someone else had started screaming. 

It takes a second for Carl to realize that it's him.

* * *

Carl doesn't remember the walk back to Alexandria.

He can't remember getting up, he can't remember starting to head back — he can't even remember how long it had taken them to get there. All he really remembers is feeling Michonne's hand on his shoulder, the hollowness in his chest, and the worried stares burning holes into his back. He doesn't know if they encountered any walkers on the journey. He doesn't know who else is with them, and in all honesty, he can't bring himself to care.

Carl just stares down at his feet, his whole body numb as he forces himself to put one foot in front of the other — forcing himself to keep moving even if all he wanted to do was fall to his knees screaming.

Eventually, he looks up, suddenly realizing that they're approaching Alexandria. The gate is a few feet ahead of them, and Carl feels his throat begin to tighten as yet another wave of hot tears start pouring down his cheeks. His feet feel heavy — like they're made of rocks — and Carl's heart hammers like thunder in his chest so fucking hard that he actually wonders if it's about to burst right out of him. 

He lets his head fall back down as Maggie shouts something up to the guard on duty whose name Carl can't bother remembering at the moment. Carl swallows thickly, taking in a ragged breath as the guard shouts something down to them in return. Carl doesn't hear whatever is said, and he doesn't care either. He just... he doesn't know what he wants.

It hadn't felt this bad when his mom had died.

Maybe that's because he had Judith to take care of, or perhaps it was because he still had his dad?

_Judith._

Carl isn't the only one who lost a father, he realizes numbly. Judith may not know it yet, but she had just lost a father too. His eye trails over to the gates, and he feels his throat tighten even more. 

And someone is going to have to tell her. 

Carl looks over at Michonne just as the gates begin to slide open. Her head is down, her hair falling down her face as her shoulders shake violently, sobs wreaking havoc on her body. Carl wonders what's going through her mind, and if she's feeling the same numbness that he currently feels. 

Carl forces himself to start moving again as the group starts moving too. He can hear the people of Alexandria shouting questions at them, but he pays it no mind, stumbling weakly into Alexandria's walls. It's not like Carl wants to be rude to them or that he's trying to ignore them. It's just that Carl has too much going on in his mind to really care. Everyone else can answer their questions. He doesn't need to do shit, so Carl brushes past them without a second thought, following his muscle memory down the street in the direction of his home. 

Home — can it really be home without his dad there? Carl winces, squeezing his eye shut and trying to block out the image of the explosion — of the horde, his dad's slumped over figure — but despite his best efforts, the flashes won't stop trickling into his mind. Could he have done something? If he had gotten there sooner, could he have done something?

Slowly, Carl stumbles up the steps of the porch. Distantly, Carl realizes that he's still crying, and he lifts up his hand, taking in a choked breath as he wipes the tears from his face. He can't let Judith see him like this, and he doesn't want her to see him so... shattered. She doesn't need to see her brother looking like his whole world had just been turned upside down, even if that isn't all that far from the truth.

He wonders where Michonne is.

Carl takes in a shuddering breath, glancing behind him before turning back around. Slowly, he slips his hand over the doorknob, twisting it carefully and opening the door. Carl takes a step inside of the house, his home. The word makes him wince. He doesn't know if a home without his dad can really be much of a home.

Blindly stumbling, he manages to make it into the living room. He takes a look at the window, out at Alexandria and it's citizens, who remain totally unaware of the leader they had just lost. Carl envies them.

He walks up the stairs, opening the door to Judith's room. She's sitting in the middle of the room, cheeks puffed out as she plays with the toys Daryl had found for her a couple weeks back. The sight of his little sister causes an instant wave of warmth to bloom in his chest, and after what could have been hours of nothing but disbelief, grief, and numbness, the feeling takes him by surprise, nearly bringing more tears to his eyes. Briefly, he wonders who was supposed to be watching her. Had she been alone this whole time? Carl frowns.

Carl clears his throat, "Judy?" He calls out softly, watching as her head snaps up, wide blue eyes locking onto his own. A smile spreads across the tiny four-year-old's face, and Carl feels his heart break a little bit more at the sight of it.

"You're back!" The little girl cries out, looking delighted. She clambers up to her feet, slamming into Carl's legs. Slowly, he kneels down, wrapping Judith up in his arms and burying his face into her hair, and taking a deep breath of her scent. He holds her tight, and if he closes his eye, he can almost pretend that this awful day had never happened, that when he woke up the next morning, his dad would still be alive. 

He feels the tears begin to form in his eye once more, and he pulls back, clearing his throat as Judith peaks over Carl's shoulder. "Are Mommy and Daddy with you?" She asks curiously, blinking slowly, as if expecting them to bound up the stairs any moment now.

Carl took in a deep breath and gently grabbed Judith by the shoulders, looking her in the eye and trying to stop his hands from shaking. "Mommy's outside, Judy, but..." Carl feels his lower lip begin to wobble, and he trails off, struggling to find the right words. "Daddy won't be coming back." 

Judith's brow furrows in confusion, and a look of curiosity passes over her face. "Till when?"

Carl feels his heart crack. "I-" Carl lets out a tense exhale as he combs his finger through his hair. "He's not... he's..." _just spit it out, Carl. She deserves to know._ "He's just not coming back. Not ever." 

Carl just barely manages to hold back his tears when he sees the look of hurt that crosses over her face. "Why not?" Judith asks, her voice squeaky as her lower lip wobbles. "Does he not like us anymore?"

Carl inhales sharply, shutting his eye and hanging his head. "No... no Judith, he loves us so, so much. He just..." Carl trails off, at a loss for words. How is he supposed to do this? How is he supposed to tell her this without breaking her heart? There is no way he can do this.

But he has to. So Carl lifts his head, looking Judith in the eye. "You remember when I told you about your first mommy, right?"

Judith nods. "She got really, really hurt when having me and had to leave." 

"Well, the same thing happened to Daddy," Carl whispers softly, taking Judith's small hand into his own, trying to gather all the strength that he can before starting to speak again. "He got really hurt and had to leave."

She stares at him in bewilderment.

"Can't Siddiq help him?" She asks quietly. Distantly, Carl hears the sound of the front door opening downstairs, but he doesn't dare turn around.

"No... he can't..." Carl finds himself at a loss for words once more. "Siddiq wasn't able to save him, Judy." He says finally. "Nobody can. Daddy is... he... he's dead."

Saying the words out loud makes it all seem so much more real, and Carl is just barely holding on at this point.

Judith still doesn't seem to understand. There's a look of pure confusion on her face, so Carl gathers up whatever remained of his scattered composure and stares down into her big blue eyes. "He got hurt really bad, so his heart stopped beating," he tells her, "he can't live with us anymore. I'm sorry..."

"But where will he go?" Judith asks.

"I don't... he'll be with your first mommy. Somewhere high up in the sky," Carl says shakily, forcing a weak smile onto his face, but it comes out as more of a grimace instead, "but we won't be able to visit him."

A look of desperation crosses over Judith's face. "And he's not coming back? Ever?!"

Carl opens his mouth before closing it again, not trusting himself to speak without bursting into tears. Instead, he shakes his head.

"But why? Why did he leave!" Judith cries out. "He said he would come back in time for dinner, he promised! You can't break a promise!"

"Daddy didn't want to break his promise, Judith, but he didn't have a choice. If he did, then he would never, _ever_ leave us." Carl tells her, his voice beginning to crack, and against his will, he feels a tear escape from his eye. "Judith... please, it's like with your first mommy, she didn't want to go, but she had to because she wanted you to be able to grow up."

Judith stares up at Carl, "but I don't want Daddy to leave!" She shouts, her face slowly beginning to turn red. "I want him here! I don't want him in the sky! Bring him back — now!"

Carl shakes his head, his heart — if possible — shattering even more. "Judith, sweetie, if I was able to, I would. But I c-can't. It's not possible."

Judith stares at him with wide eyes, a crestfallen expression falling over her face. Her bottom lip quivers, and she reaches up a hand, rubbing at her face — which remained bright red — as tears gradually began slipping down her cheeks. 

She lets out a low wail, and Carl pulls her into his chest, combing his fingers through her hair in an attempt to soothe her and holding onto her as if she were his lifeline, "I'm sorry... I'm so fucking sorry..." he whispers to her, for once not caring about swearing in front of her. A hand lands on his shoulders, and he looks up to see the tear-stained face of Michonne standing above him. 

That's when the dam broke.

Carl starts sobbing hysterically, clutching Judith tighter to his chest as the grief pours over him in waves. Slowly, Michonne rests a hand on Carl's shoulder, obviously unsure at how he may react to the touch. But Carl, for once not giving a damn about how much of a mess he is, latches onto Michonne without a second thought, burying his face into her neck as the sobs steadily grow more violent, shaking his body with a scary intensity. Judith quickly follows in suit, tiny arms wrapping tight around Michonne's waist.

"H-he's g-g-gone—" Carl somehow manages to say between sobs. Michonne quickly wraps her arms around both him and Judith, pulling both of the Grimes children close. She presses a kiss to his head, and when Carl looks up at her, he sees that she's not in a much better state than he and Judith are. Tears stream down her cheeks, but she just holds them tight and Carl never wants her to let go.

"I-I know..." Michonne manages to whisper, and Carl squeezes his eye shut, pressing his face back into the crook of her neck as his body starts shaking even more. "I know..."

"Y-you're not l-leaving t-t-too, are you Mommy?" Judith asks quietly, hiccups tearing through her small frame. 

She brushes a hand gently through Carl's hair and probably Judith's too, and finds himself leaning into her motherly touch, needing it now more than ever.

"Oh, honey..." Michonne whispers, her voice cracking, and Carl feels the splatter of tears land in his hair as her grip on them both only tightens. "I'm not leaving any of you anytime soon. I'll make sure of it."


End file.
